she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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