It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
