All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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