Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
