i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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