were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Alive.
So much puke
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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