Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
