just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
