I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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