i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
