I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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