Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
