My friends, they love my intelligence
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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