So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
