Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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