Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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