don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
