so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
