I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
