gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What drink are we having for lunch?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
