so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
