I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize