actually, I'm a sock model
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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