i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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