If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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