She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
