I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
