I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
