vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
