Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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