Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
