ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
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Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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