i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
