I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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