so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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