I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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