Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
