I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
