I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I need moral support for this bender
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
