Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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