Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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