i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.