Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
