I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
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Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
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I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.