i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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