I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
