I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
