He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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