When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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