just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
