She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
