some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
