I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
