I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
