you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
