watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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