Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
