just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
