Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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