I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
