I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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