How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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