worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
