Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
