I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Is Oprah even human
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
