first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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