If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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