There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
