Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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