Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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