I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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