And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im part way to drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
