I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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