I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
